It is Well...

GP and Econs results were bad, but though I feel really upset, I know this is going to work out for good. I trust my Heavenly Father's plan, that He has all things under His control. My grades have all been pre-determined. Should I truly need the excellent results, He will grant them. These results also humble me to a great extent. I found out how weak I am in thinking and memory. I really am not gifted with extraordinary intellect.

Praise be to God, Even in my Tribulation

I am left utterly amazed and thankful at how God has so graciously blessed me and kept me for the past week. When I thought my strength would fail, He supplied me, and by His grace and providence we won the Hwa Chong Cup. My results have also been better than I expected, also better than I deserved, considering my attitude and my effort. However, God gave me a humbling experience when I saw jarring weaknesses in my thinking and knowledge. Yet through His grace, I kept all my three 'A's.

Disheartening for me, however, is the fact that I have not paid to God what is due. I have time and again caught myself taking pride in my achievement, and God's glory seems to be snuffed out, outshone by the glory of weak, sinful man. I pray for courage to give Him the glory in front of my classmates, to show them that there is a Greater Being worthy of honor. Sin still plagues my life, my speech and my thoughts, lurking here and there, surfacing whenever my focus turns from God. I am giving place to the evil desires of my flesh, instead of mortifying it as we are commanded to do so. I must carry on this struggle, I must fear God in all I do, wherever I am, whoever I am with. I do not want to be worldly.

My body is waxing still weaker and weaker. I fear the worst. Sometimes the pain makes me sore depressed, but I know that the deep waters He calls me to go through are for my good. The rivers of woe shall not me overflow, His grace is sufficient for me. This weakness is humbling me, bringing me down to once again see what we truly are compared to God: we are but dust. We are frail creatures. Our lives are for but fleeting moments, which, once passed, are as if they never were, and all achievements fade away. "...the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21b. The LORD gave me intelligence to accomplish all this, but He has taken away the strength of my youth and my health. Even so, should He so choose, He can take my mental capabilities away as well. I should therefore use them for the highest good: the glory of God.

I need serenity and peace amidst this turmoil. Toil is ceaseless, and this world of evil brings tribulation. I bring to memory something I read from a decorative plague I saw in my friend's house:

"LORD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

This shall be my prayer tonight.

Visit to Christian Home for the Aged

Went with KS to visit the Christian Home for the Aged. It's my third time there, and it still feels like the first time. So difficult to communicate with the folks there, because of my language deficiency, and they speak very softly, so it takes a lot of patience to understand them, and sometimes I fail in understanding them. But still, seeing them smile is a good sign. They're happy for us just to be there, sing songs for them, and try to talk to them.

Watching them makes me think of what will become of me when I reach their age. Aging, illness, deterioration of body and mind are just one bit of the legacy of the sin of our first ancestor Adam. With sin death entered into the world, and because of this we grow old, get sick and eventually turn to dust. The comfort for saints is that we will not suffer this deterioration for eternity. When we are risen, our bodies will be made whole, perfect, without any defect. We will know pain, illness and suffering no longer. We will be reunited with all our friends and family in Christ, and the former things, the evil days, will be no more remembered.

Jehovah is my light, and my salvation near.
Who shall my soul afright, or cause my heart to fear?
While God, my strength, my life sustains,
Secure from fear my soul remains.

When evil-doers came, to make my life their prey,
They stumbled in their shame, and fell in sore dismay.
Though hosts make war on every side,
Still fearless I in God confide.

My one request has been, and still this prayer I raise,
That I may dwell within God's house through all my days.
Jehovah's beauty to admire,
And in His temple to inquire.

When troubles round me swell, when fears and dangers throng,
Securely I will dwell in his pavilion strong.
Within the covert of His tent,
He hides me till the storm is spent.

Uplifted on a rock, above my foes around.
Amid the battle-shock, my song shall still resound.
Then joyful off'rings I will bring,
Jehovah's praise my heart shall sing.

Back from Retreat

Back from KS Retreat which was from Tuesday to Friday. A real fulfilling time of spiritual retreat and restoration. Learnt so much about perseverance and keeping from sin. Fellowship was great too.

SLV

Thirteen of us went down to the I-can't-remember-what-that-place-is-called to visit the old folks there, play games, give them gifts and put up musical performances. Tired, but great fun. Waiting for Ying Ying to upload the videos and photos, then I will be embarrassed haha.

Near Breakdown

Is it the coffee, or the stress, or both? I feel so on the verge of a breakdown, I'm so restless and vexed sore by all the tasks I have to complete, and on top of that, all the tasks I know I will have to face. No respite, it seems, this life of mine affords. I know I should not worry about tomorrow, but I just cannot help it. And I have to deal with a grievous loss what more, hoping to be able to salvage it.

I kept walking around, and when I tried to settle down, my muscles went through cycles of tension and relaxation, against my will. I would find my hands clenched into tight fists suddenly and start punching objects. Fortunately I retreated to more secluded areas till my restlessness was spent and I was exhausted.

A Tinge of Annoyance

Took 2 days to download Lord of the Rings Online just to find out that I do not have space on my computer to play. Boohoo. Fortunately, thanks to Nat Quek who provided the idea, I can buy a thumb drive and install the game into my thumb drive. But I will have to find a shop first. The IT shop near my place moved away already. Irritating.

Tried to study cosmology, realised it is so much more difficult than I initially thought. Emission spectra... WHAT? I have to read Quantum Physics as well. Might as well, since quantum is part of H3 Modern Physics syllabus. But it all seems too much for my little brain to handle. Believe me, my intellectual capacity really does fall short ever so often, so much so that I get increasingly frustrated with myself for not being able to understand what I study.

Huge Undertakings

Gonna busy myself studying Biology, Geology and Astrophysics, cos I need the background knowledge to be able to fully understand more about the Creation-Evolution debate, and compile notes from all my different materials and resources to form a single volume.

A Thorn

A thorn, deeply wedged in my flesh. Day and night it pierces me, increasing my agony. I wish I had not been so foolish, I thought I was controlled by ration, I was wrong. Now I am sorely vexed, unable to free myself, for it keeps me captive even deep down in my soul, so much so that a part of me does not want to dislodge this thorn, I know that if I give in, I will head straight to my destruction.